Holidayz! Woop woop!

Finally, finally made it to the end of term and let me tell you Chinas, I didn't think it was ever going to come. Now, people don't realise but Hairy Librar-ys don't get the same hollybags as teachers, so I have to work next week and a week in August but apart from that I'm offffffffffffff for a lovely FUNF weeks! Yaas!

Husband is working a lot of this weekend so I've grasped the opperchancity to visit the 'rents. And it is MAGNIFISAUR, let me tell you! Len and Roy live in the middle of nowhere, so it's all trees and air and squirrels and SILENCE. I actually grew up here but I've forgotten what it's like so every so often I go 'LOOK! There's a SQUIRREL! I LOVE IT!' and everyone sighs and looks at me pityingly.

Their nearest town is Helensburgh, which is on the West Coast of Scotvegas. Helensburgh is a proper seaside town, you should totally come for a visit. Only in Helensburger can you try the best ice cream in the entire universe (and I make it my business to know) courtesy of Dinos. They make it with condensed milk (I think?) and it is so good that me and Husband once fell out because he took a lick of mine when I wasn't looking AND HE'D ALREADY FINISHED HIS. I'm still furious thinking about it, actually. Also in Helensburgh is the recently opened Wee Kelpie, selling gourmet fish 'n chips. Today I had monkfish with homemade tarter sauce, here's a picture to make your pipes water:

So good, soooo good. And after we'd eaten it, me and Sister went to the wool shop and I got a new project:

...which I will be continuing with later, accompanied by my good friend MISTER RIOJA:

Oh yes! Good times! There's a new fabric shop opened in Helensburgh, and I so wish I'd been able to get a picture of it but I didn't want the owner to think I was a weirdo. But it's lovely, it's teeny tiny and crammed FULL OF STUFF, so obviously I felt right at home. And I got new fabric and binding but I've not taken a picture of it yet so you'll have to wait until next time. Oh, I do like to build the tension on the ol' blog!

Right so I've talked a lot on here about Len and how good at making she is. Len is also an exceptionally modest person and does not like to go on and on about what she's been uptae. We're very similar, in that respect (false). Anyhoo, she's agreed to let me showcase her most recent project. BEHOLD!

It's made from Michael Miller fabric and I WANT it. I WANT IT! I want it so much, I'm genuinely considering getting married again so I can use it. It's so, so lovely and perfect for Weddinging Around, which you do a lot of when you're getting married. I've been telling her for ages, she needs to get them up on Etsy because I'm certain people would buy them but she won't have it. She's just handed me a glass of the hooch, what a nice lady she is! Good old Len Goodman. But isn't the bag just MAGNIFICENT?

So chaps, I'm off to enjoy the sound of the rain bouncing off the ground, get stuck into my knitting and have a good old hearty slurp of the vino. I hope you have a lovely evening too!

A Giant Bumbleerie Bee

As I said in my last post, Husband and I have been decorating up a storm. Decorating the house the way we want it is lovely, but decorating itself suh-hucks because there's stuff everywhere and we keep losing things. Like, for instance, my favourite tweezers. Now! I have regular fights with my eyebrows, if left untreated they  meet in the middle then migrate towards my mustache. It's a constant battle of wills which I can only fight if I have the correct tools. And now the only thing stopping me looking like a giant eyebrow on legs has been lost in the swirling vortex of decorating black hole-ness. Total nightmare.

Also, there's a funny feeling of, well the house is total chaos so we may as well stop exercising and eating nice things, and instead just sit around playing 'How Many Chips is Too Many Chips?'

(Here are the rules to HMCITMC: Buy chips. Eat as many as you can without stopping. Stop when you have to say 'Ugh, I've eaten too many chips...' The winner is the person who has eaten the most chips. Good luck!)

But we're getting there. Today I got all the stuff back into the kitchen and made a lovely dinner:

Anyway, when I was making this FEAST a monser-sized bumblebee flew in the window. I say flew but actually it was so big, I think it might have driven into the kitchen in some kind of car. It was at least twice as big as the stupid cat, it had tattoos and was lifting weights as I went over to it (false).

So, since I had been ABANDONED by Husband, and because I don't want to be scared of flying things with minging legs that can sting, I got a glass and a sheet of paper and did that thing that people do. And it worked but the buzz was so powerful it vibrated up my arm and totally freaked me out. This whole story is a bit pointless because I didn't get a picture of the bee, so you'll just have to take my word for it. When you have to defend your house from gigantic insects, you don't tend to stop and think 'Ooooh, a Kodak moment!' No, you ride with the beast.

But since I picked it up I keep thinking that I can hear it, and I keep going 'Husband! Is that bee in my hair?' and Husband wearily looks and says 'No.' 

Sigh.

I'm aware that this is a spectacularly boring blog post, but in all honesty, this is the most exciting thing that has happened this week. The decorating has stopped the making, the working has stopped the decorating, the working is rolling very VERY slowly to the end of term where hopefully things should pick up again.

Oh no, I've just remembered ! I did make something! Here y'go:

I finished my apron! Again, it's a bit dodge BUT it's finished. Although it makes me talk funny - every time I think about it I think 'Ooh, I maka da apran' - why would that be? I don't even think people anywhere speak like that. I think I might have slipped into some kind of dimension of mentalness. Maybe it's the paint fumes.

Right chaps, I'm off to paint my nails for work the morra (old Scottish phrase meaning : tomorrow. Add it to you collection, if you like!). Only four days left until summer holidays, Kah-CHING!

S'laters!

Decorating Bumbaleerie Mansions

Hello all!

Once again Chaps, absolutely NONE of the making has been done due to extreme work-related busyness and the fact that Bumbaleerie Mansions is under siege.

Yes. That's a fact*.

Husband has been decorating all the things! Here's a taste of what he's been uptae (UPTAE: an old Scottish word meaning 'up to' or 'doing'. You're welcome.)

Flamingos!! Eh? In a hallway? That's probably in the top ten coolest things you've ever seen, so brace yourselves for THIS:

So we still have to do the floor (which is going to be Walnut wood, regardless of how much Husband complains) and gloss the skirting boards but I am over the moon with it. It's my favourite room in the house, which is annoying because there's no TV so you can only sit in it for so long.

Anyway, I hate decorating. It's totally rubbish, Bumbaleerie Mansions is a wreck, there's stuff everywhere and you have to be really careful when you sit down in case you smear paint on the couch. Plus, the stupid cat can't handle it at all, he just slinks around looking really worried and whines to be let outside, where he whines to get back in again. Very stupid and annoying.

The other rubbish thing about decorating is that the chat between Husband and I is not even worth listening to. He's all 'oh, we have to go back to B&Q for some DIY SOS megatron 3,000 paint blasting undersplash' and I'm all 'I HATE THIS B&Q, IT IS THE LAND OF THE UNDEAD' - B&Q is full of couples arguing and people storming around going 'well, if YOU like the sodding GREY MIST then GET the SODDING GREY MIST. But don't complain to ME when YOUR MOTHER comes round and says we should have got GREY FOG'. The hilarious thing about B&Q though is that the paint has really gentle names, and when people are shouting at each other it's totally surreal: 'I DIDN'T say that the Pink Kiss was hideous, I SAID that I didn't like Soft Lavender because it's too similar to the Cuddling Cyan that YOU wanted for the Kitchen, EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU that SNUGGLING SILVER would match the worktops better!'

No, wait, the worst ones are the new couples who skip around hand-in-hand going 'I think that the Smoochy Sun-Kissed Sand is the best colour for our love-nest, don't you think?' 'Oh yes! When I saw that colour, I immediately thought of that time I kissed you under the dew of the morning mist on that day in...' *girlfriend interrupts and they both say at the same time* '...PARIS!!!' and gaze at each other in rapturous delight. And Husband goes 'Aaw, they're so in love just like us!' and I go 'CAN I GET THIS COOL THING?!' and hold up a blow torch or ... I dunno....a spade with a nice handle.

No, NO, WAIT! The VERY worst thing is buying everything, taking it home and leaving it in the shed for two months then having to do everything really quickly to get it over with. And it always causes arguments between me and Husband, from the trivial:

HUSBAND: Don't put Abba on, I hate Abba.
ME: WRONG! Everyone in the world likes Abba...*Dancing Queen, blah blah blah la la tambourine OH YEAH!*
HUSBAND: SWITCH OFF ABBA!
ME: *wounded*

to the pointless:

ME: Flamingos are lovely.
HUSBAND: No, they're not.
ME: Yes they are!
HUSBAND: No.
ME: YES!
HUSBAND: I hate Flamingos.
ME: NO!
etc

to the pleasingly banal:

ME: ...so then I said 'well why not try it with gruyere and she was all 'good idea' but then she tried it and THEN was all 'Oh, I tried the gruyere but it didn't work...'
HUSBAND: Please stop telling me this story.
ME: *shocked into furious silence* WHY are you ALWAYS so RUDE?!


But in the end, once it's all finished, Husband gives me a quick cuddle in the kitchen and says 'our house is nice.' And I agree with him, and we're friends.



*facts may not be true, or in any way accurate.

About Me

I've had a really busy week this week and have done none of the making, so I have nothing to say about anything. Recently I was having a conversation with a friendly work-mate and she asked me 'what do you even write about on your blog?' and I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and...my mind went blank. Then my subconscious kicked in and to fill the now-awkward silence I suddenly yelled 'STUFF!!!!' right into her face. She looked a little startled, as was I.

But, all respect to her, she carried on: 'So do you have personal details on there?' and again, my mind left me and I bellowed 'NOPE!!' It was at that point that she shuffled off, probably to find someone normal to talk to.

So I thought I'd tell you more about myself. Be a bit more personal, if you like. You probably won't like it, but try to be brave. Strap yourselves in chaps, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Name: Baroness Eilidhbelle Sittingonher-Bumbaleerie IV

Age: Mental or physical? Mental: thirteen. Physical: around eighty-five. But in birth years, twenty-six gaaaah!

Appearance: Ginormous face. Mad minging-brown curly hair. More eyebrows than the average person. Slow in gait. A tad cross-eyed. Here's a photo:

NOTE: Husband looks really grumpy in this photo because we'd just come out of Steptoe's Yard and he was still mulling over parting with his hard-earned Scottish Drachma just to keep me, HIS WIFE, happy. Rude. Also, I look blind but I am not.

Profession: Librarian. Yep, I'm a fully qualified hairy library-y. And I work in a school. There is nothing else I can say to make this more exciting. No, wait, I've thought of something: Catwoman was a Librarian. So, in conclusion, I am DEFINITELY Catwoman (FACT).

Pets: Two cats, a stupid one and an unfriendly one. Here's a photo of the unfriendly one being forced to sit on my knee:

He looks like he's being tortured even though I brushed his fur for ages and lured him on with treats. He only likes Husband, and only then it's because he knows Husband doesn't like him. Awkward and annoying. Although he does look exactly like a snow leopard, and he walks like one, which is cool. Also, he's not scared of foxes. But he is scared of pumpkins. Cats are rubbish.

Family: Len, Roy, Sister and Brother. Gran, Grandad, Aunt, Aunt, Aunt, Aunt, Aunt, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin x25.

I can't think of anything else that you might like to know so I'm going to end this post with an anecdote about my life.

Bumbaleerie Mansions is situated on a lovely quiet street that just so happens to be a short cut to the local school. Recently I was doing some gardening (drinking in the garden) when some hooded youths walked by and flicked an empty Haribo wrapper into my hedge. I work in a school, so I know how to speak to the young.

'Yoo hoo! Homie!' I called 'You've WELL dropped your empty sweets bag into my crib. I'm totes 'down' with you dudes 'chilling' whilst 'roamin' past my gaff, but pleaz put your rubbish into de binz, word?' They looked at me in total amazement, probably not used to post-teens such as myself having such a confident grip on street vernacular. One of the youths began to approach me, so I held out my hand in case he wanted to 'fist-bump' to secure our alliance. He did not.

'I'm terribly sorry, Miss, I didn't realise I'd dropped it. I'll put it in the bin immediately. Lovely garden!' he smiled at me kindly and I beamed back. We're proper mates now.

I told Husband about this later and he said mildly 'That's nice dear.' but he's WELL 'jel' that he doesn't have someone watching his back in the hood.

A Magical Place

Oh, Husband and I went to the most MAGNIFICENT place in the entire universe! Before I go on and ON about it, I should credit Anne over at My Blethering Blog for introducing me to this land of EverythingThatIsGood, go over and read her post on it, it will rock your socks.

Steptoes Yard in Montrose, or as they call it the 'only museum in the world where everything is for sale' or as I call it 'HUSBAND THIS PLACE IS MORE MAGNIFICENT THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER DREAMED OF!!' It was amazing.

It was like a gigantic, magical farm full of things and stuff. I didn't get very many pictures of outside but INSIDE:

Every square inch was filled with magic and rainbows (Husband says 'junk', but he's rude and lacks imagination). There was a whole room dedicated to glass:

a whole room dedicated to crockery:

boxes of postcards and pens:

It was MENTAL! And I know what you're thinking: Eilidhbelle, you're a lady of wonderful taste and style, surely you didn't pass up the opportunity to bag some wonderful items for Bumbaleerie Mansions?!

Thank you for asking! I did! A PINK PYREX!

The lady said it was from the fifties but I'm thinking she was false in her statement - I'd say seventies or eighties. It comes with a lid but it was MINGING and is in the dishwasher as we speak. The lady asked for twelve quid but I talked her down to £8, which I thought was a fantastic bargain. Husband was also thrilled (not true.) AND THEN, I spotted these bad boys:

I summoned the Lady. 'Madam' I sez, 'I must have these for entertaining purposes. Name your price, although it is totally irrelevant, I shall be taking them no matter how many times I have to cross your palm with silver.' Husband glared at me over her shoulder. He had said previously that I could only get them if they cost less than 17p, which was frankly unrealistic. Sometimes Husband loses touch with reality.

'That's an original lemonade set, from the 50s' she said doubtfully. Husband rolled his eyes, he always thinks people are trying to con us, whereas I believe EVERYTHING no matter how unlikely. 'It'll cost you twelve quid, no haggling'. My brows furrowed. 'I thank you for your frank honesty, my good woman. However, it cannot have escaped your notice that there is one glass missing from the set. There are only FUNF glasses, where there would have once been SIX. We simply MUST come to some arrangement regarding the bucks, before my Husband keels over in your fine establishment.' I leaned closer and winked at her, lady-to-lady. I think she appreciated that.

'Tenner.'

'SOLD! Don't wrap them up, I'll need them for the drive home where I'll be pretending to live in yesteryear and toasting other passengers. I thank you for your time, and also your magnificence in this matter.'

And we left, one of us (me) skipping (carefully, didn't want to drop what is almost certainly original 1950s glasswear, and not something that could have been picked up in Asda), while hissing 'Husband! I think I made a new friend! I am friends with Steptoe Lady! We're mates! She almost certainly thinks I'm charming!' even though said Lady was glaring at us, clearly happy we were leaving. Husband was practically running back to the car, holding on to my sleeve in case 'you're tempted to buy more crap for our house'. UNGRATEFUL!

A Well-Spent Jubilee Weekend

The Jubilee weekend has been lovely, and I've used my time very, very wisely (<---- not true). I finally bit the bullet and got a proper pair of running shoes and took them for a spin tonight - they worked well, but so they should for the money I spent on them. It is soul destroying having to buy shoes you don't even like when you could have spent them money on shoes you would really, really have liked...BUT no more shin-splints, so that's a good thing. Have you ever bought running shoes? It's mortifying, they make you go on a treadmill to 'try them out' (WRONG, it's so they can laugh at you) although the nice man serving me didn't ask me to do that, I think because of the mournful look I gave the treadmill when he pointed at it. Or maybe it was because I shook my fist at it, I dunno. Either way, I came out with a horrible shiny pair of stupid-face running shoes and no more leg cramps.

I got another very exciting bundle through in the post: CRUSHED WALNUT SHELLS to make pin cushions AND they sharpen your pins too! Isn't that cool?

ANSWER: No actually, not cool at all. The stupid crushed stupid walnut shells went EVERYWHERE, and it turns out you need a LOT of walnut shells to fill a bird-shaped pin cushions AND it's really difficult to get it so stuffed that it feels nice so MINE feels like a half-empty bean bag. Not happy, not happy one little bit. Very furious actually, because I had to hoover my sewing room and I hate hoovering. But then I did something nice:

It's the first of my vintage pinnies, after my dressmaking lesson from Len. The binding should actually be lace but lace is a whole lot of trouble, and I said to Husband, Sister, Len, Roy, the big cat, the stupid cat, myself and the lady in the co-op: Why make it hard for yourself? And they all agreed, stick with the binding. So I did. I was in two minds whether or not to tidy up a bit before I took this picture, but then I thought nah, it looks rustic, plus it's very bohemian to be a total mink. I still have to gather the top (of the apron) and put the band on, and do the ties BUT it's nearly there. It's lovely to make aprons, I would highly recommend it. Today I also dug my front garden and planted loads of Hydrangeas (I think my new favourite flower) and Lavender (I think my new favourite smell) and I am pleased with the finished product:

 It'll look just peachy when they all grow a bit. I've also got a heap of sweet peas growing up one end of the garden but my neighbour was outside and I didn't want him thinking I was taking pictures of him (or, now that I think about it, my garden. It's a bit strange to take pictures of your garden isn't it?) This was not a relaxing afternoon's work by the way. First, the garden was absolutely COATED in weeds. Imagine all the weeds you've ever seen in your whole life. Now imagine that they are heading to the Jubilee celebrations in London with ninety-million of their closest friends. Now times that by eight-four, and THAT'S how bad my garden was. Phew, that's hard maths isn't it? I should have just taken a before picture. Never mind.

Second in the not-relaxing list:  I had to keep bending over....and I was wearing a tunic and leggings....and two wee boys passed sniggering....and I'm CERTAIN they were laughing at my bumbaleerie. That thought haunted me all afternoon.

Third: I hate spiders. I hate them with the fire of a thousand splendid suns. And they know it. Every time I venture outside they prick up their ears (?), gather a lynch mob and scuttle out going 'GET HER, GET THE CURLY ONE, GET HER!'and I have to run away shrieking.

But today, I have a message for them.

GOOD LUCK GETTING ME NOW STUPID-FACE SPIDERS, COZ ONE HAS NEW RUNNING SNEAKS!