Once again Chaps, absolutely NONE of the making has been done due to extreme work-related busyness and the fact that Bumbaleerie Mansions is under siege.
Yes. That's a fact*.
Husband has been decorating all the things! Here's a taste of what he's been uptae (UPTAE: an old Scottish word meaning 'up to' or 'doing'. You're welcome.)
Flamingos!! Eh? In a hallway? That's probably in the top ten coolest things you've ever seen, so brace yourselves for THIS:
So we still have to do the floor (which is going to be Walnut wood, regardless of how much Husband complains) and gloss the skirting boards but I am over the moon with it. It's my favourite room in the house, which is annoying because there's no TV so you can only sit in it for so long.
Anyway, I hate decorating. It's totally rubbish, Bumbaleerie Mansions is a wreck, there's stuff everywhere and you have to be really careful when you sit down in case you smear paint on the couch. Plus, the stupid cat can't handle it at all, he just slinks around looking really worried and whines to be let outside, where he whines to get back in again. Very stupid and annoying.
The other rubbish thing about decorating is that the chat between Husband and I is not even worth listening to. He's all 'oh, we have to go back to B&Q for some DIY SOS megatron 3,000 paint blasting undersplash' and I'm all 'I HATE THIS B&Q, IT IS THE LAND OF THE UNDEAD' - B&Q is full of couples arguing and people storming around going 'well, if YOU like the sodding GREY MIST then GET the SODDING GREY MIST. But don't complain to ME when YOUR MOTHER comes round and says we should have got GREY FOG'. The hilarious thing about B&Q though is that the paint has really gentle names, and when people are shouting at each other it's totally surreal: 'I DIDN'T say that the Pink Kiss was hideous, I SAID that I didn't like Soft Lavender because it's too similar to the Cuddling Cyan that YOU wanted for the Kitchen, EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU that SNUGGLING SILVER would match the worktops better!'
No, wait, the worst ones are the new couples who skip around hand-in-hand going 'I think that the Smoochy Sun-Kissed Sand is the best colour for our love-nest, don't you think?' 'Oh yes! When I saw that colour, I immediately thought of that time I kissed you under the dew of the morning mist on that day in...' *girlfriend interrupts and they both say at the same time* '...PARIS!!!' and gaze at each other in rapturous delight. And Husband goes 'Aaw, they're so in love just like us!' and I go 'CAN I GET THIS COOL THING?!' and hold up a blow torch or ... I dunno....a spade with a nice handle.
No, NO, WAIT! The VERY worst thing is buying everything, taking it home and leaving it in the shed for two months then having to do everything really quickly to get it over with. And it always causes arguments between me and Husband, from the trivial:
HUSBAND: Don't put Abba on, I hate Abba.
ME: WRONG! Everyone in the world likes Abba...*Dancing Queen, blah blah blah la la tambourine OH YEAH!*
HUSBAND: SWITCH OFF ABBA!
to the pointless:
ME: Flamingos are lovely.
HUSBAND: No, they're not.
ME: Yes they are!
HUSBAND: I hate Flamingos.
to the pleasingly banal:
ME: ...so then I said 'well why not try it with gruyere and she was all 'good idea' but then she tried it and THEN was all 'Oh, I tried the gruyere but it didn't work...'
HUSBAND: Please stop telling me this story.
ME: *shocked into furious silence* WHY are you ALWAYS so RUDE?!
But in the end, once it's all finished, Husband gives me a quick cuddle in the kitchen and says 'our house is nice.' And I agree with him, and we're friends.
*facts may not be true, or in any way accurate.