Just one word, fellas: HOT PINK TREWS! Yaaass!
So for ages and ages I was all 'I'd really like a pair of hot pink kegs but I'm worried I'll look like a tool' and Husband always nodded and said 'Yes, that's absolutely what you would look like.' And we agreed, and did a special handshake and everything. So, you can imagine Husband's delight when he came home and I was wearing THESE bad boys! 'WHAT. AM. THOSE?!' he shrieked manfully. Husband's grammar tends to desert him when he's surprised. 'THESE AM MY NEW KEGS!' I yelled back in ecstatic delight. 'I LOVE THEM WITH MY ENTIRE FACE! Plus, I am thinking that hot pink is now a neutral because these fellas go with everything!' Husband was not as thrilled as you would expect, and started going on about money and other irrelevant whitterings so I just thought about my new trews until he was done. And then I said:
'I Got Them On Ebay!'
I Got Them (It) on Ebay, or as it shall now be known IGTOE (partly for speed, partly for megalolz) is a phrase that Husband hears a lot from me. It is normally in response to the question 'How much was (were) that (those) item (s)?' and tends to be followed by 'That's because no-one in their right mind would buy that (those) from an actual shop' but he is WRONG and also FALSE because I am totally the last person on this EARTH to start wearing brightly-coloured leg garments and I told him that and he said 'right then'. So I won.
Until we had this conversation:
Me: Husband, I'm going to invest in some rubber footwear. Rubber footwear is useful for many reasons and I have prepared a brief powerpoint presentation to highlight these reasons.
Husband: *wearily* Can you not just buy them without telling me the reasons?
Me: Probably, but I've prepared the powerpoint and everything now so.....
Husband: Can you summerise the reasons?
Me: If y'like. ONE - They are waterproof, so extremely handy for gardening and also living in Scotland. TWO - They are comfortable, allowing me to wear them with anything, to any occasion. THREE - even though they come in a variety of colours, I have chosen a neutral pair because I am sensible.
Husband: You are a grown woman, buy whatever shoes you like with the money you work very hard to earn (Ha! Husband would never say this, he only says things like 'oh, we have to pool our money to pay the mortgage or we'll be homeless' and other such trivialities)
Anyway, you can't say he wasn't warned. I put a lot of effort and research into this AND STILL Husband was less than thrilled when I came home with:
Vivienne Westwood Melissa Lady Dragons, which are made from bubblegum scented rubber. You tell me, YOU TELL ME, that these are not THE MOST amazing shoes you have ever seen with your own two een (EEN: A Scottish word meaning 'eye' or 'eyes' for those of you who are still developing their Scottish lexicon).
Husband said 'WHAT. THE. RUDE WORD. ARE THEM?' and I said 'I told you I was buying them! We agreed! They're SENSIBLE!' and he said 'How much?' and I said 'IGTOE' and he said 'Oh, right. I love them, you made totally the correct decision. Well done!' (FALSE)
Anyway, he's been proved wrong because I have worn them several times. And it has rained non-stop in Scotvegas for the last twenty years so it's handy to have shoes you can wipe dry. But the good thing about all the rain is: the garden is SPLENDID! So yesterday I donned my sensible rubber footwear and went out and picked a pile of these: