The One With Some Making

Evenin' fellas.

So, you know how sometimes I'm all 'I will FINISH all the things before starting MOAR of the things!' and other times I'm all 'Start moar! Start moar things! Finish none of the things!' Well, just now I'm in the Starty phase, not good at all.

This is me cutting out the pattern for my Collette Macaron dress. I have all the fabric and notions for this, I'm all set. Have I started it? I have not. Why? I dunno. Oh, wait! I DO know! It's because I haven't made a dress yet, and I heard that this was a hard one. So, I released my grasp on the bull's horns. PS. I hate cutting out patterns. I wish I could employ a pattern cutter-outer called Derek or something. Please leave me a comment along the lines of 'You can do it! Just make it! What's the WORST that could happen?!' and then I'll be all 'YES I CAN DO IT NOW!'. Thanks.

Anyway, after completely abandoning THAT I moved on with THIS:

This is a rubbish picture of the pattern I talked about in this fascinatingly exciting post  - how can I fail when I have so many books on dressmaking? How hard could it be?! Answer: quite hard, because I haven't read any of the books. I should like to take a moment's pause here, while you contemplate the fact that I am actually, a qualified Librarian. A qualified Librarian who can't be bothered to read. But I need to be SHOWN, being SHOWN is the key.  I don't have TIME to learn a new skill (I don't know if you can hear the whine in my voice, but let me tell you - it's there), I'm too BUSY with watching Sherlock all the time and looking at FLOOR TILES.

Also, I couldn't upload it on my last post but here's a picture of the display what I made at wurk. I am ludicrously pleased with it, but it did take me A MILLION YEARS:

Aaaaaaaaaarrrggghhhhhhh! Too scary! Try to be brave though. This took me so long to make, I actually lost interest and covered the whole thing in black paper, and wrote 'COMING SOON' in scary, blood-dripping letters until I could be bothered again. I told my boss it was 'to build suspense', and I think he believed me. Tee hee!

Also fellas, Husband and I braved the shops to price more flooring (you might want to take a break at this point to let your heart settle down after all the manic excitement that reading my blog must bring into your life. Brace yourselves lads, it's about to get EXTREME.) Anyway, we had a massive fight (in Ikea, obviously, because no-one has ever left Ikea without having a fight with SOMEBODY) because Husband was all 'Make a decision about the lights in the kitchen!' and I was all 'THESE LIGHTS!' and Husband was all 'I don't like those ones' in a really huffy voice, and I nearly stabbed him with a Helmsblug Potato Peeler. So, we left Ikea sharpish and found ourselves in Next. And here's what happened:

Me: *wanderin' around, looking at stuff, minding my own business* Husband, I've got an itchy bit on my leg that I think might be A HORRIBLE DISEASE......
Woman Next to Me Who is Not Husband: Em......
*massive embarrassed silence*
*woman looks at my leg*
*I miserably look at my leg too*
*woman looks faintly disgusted*
*I nod sadly and am FURIOUS with Husband for wandering away and getting me into this awkward situation*
*woman shudders and walks off*
*I slope away to find Husband, who is standing, awestruck, in the lighting section*
Me: HUSBAND YOU WEREN'T EVEN THE LADY WHO WAS STANDING NEXT TO ME! SHE WAS SOMEBODY DIFFERENT! YOU MADE ME SPEAK TO A STRANGER! THEY MAKE VIDEOS WARNING CHILDREN ABOUT THAT!
Husband: *in a breathless whisper* ...look....
Me: WHA.......oh..........OH!

 OH YES IT'S A LAMP SHAPED LIKE A TELEPHONE BOX AND IT'S MADE OUR HOME COMPLETE! 

The One With No Pictures

I can't upload pictures on the computer I'm using just now, so instead I'll be doing 'complex descriptions' which is probably what they used before pictures were invented anyway and everyone got on ok THEN (note the perfectly logical arguement I've engaged there).

Oh, I have done so many lovely things this week! Last night I went to see Anna Karenina at the flicks and it was...and I don't want to exaggerate here.....THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WOLRD EVER EVER EVER! I'm not a huge fan of Keira Knightly's work but she was just BORN to play Anna, she's the perfect mix of dutiful wife and RAUNCHY SEXPOT and I now love her with my entire face. Go and see it right now, stop what you're doing, leave work, leave home, go and watch it. Then come back and tell me how much you liked it.

Like I said, no pictures, so here's some instructions so you can conjure a strong mental image of Keira Knightly as Anna Karenina:

*IMAGINE THE MOST PERFECT THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD*

Oh, this is much easier than I thought it was going to be.

Right, NEXT!

I ordered the Sherlock box-set for me and Husband to watch of an evening. I know I'm so late to this, but is Sherlock not just THE BEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? It's so good, I don't understand why they don't make it illegal not to watch it. Bennedict Cumberbatch IS Sherlock Holmes, he literally IS Sherlock. Martin Freeman IS Dr. Watson. 221B Baker Street is EXACTLY how I want Bumbaleerie Mansions to look. Here's a picture of it:

*Awesome things like a stuffed owl and mismatched chairs and dodgy wallpaper and union jack cushions and glass decanters and books everywhere*

Also, I have ordered a new dress pattern, which is quite funny (funny if you're NOT Husband) because I still haven't ever finished a dress despite having several thousand million patterns. But I couldn't resist this one, I've been looking for a 40s style dress for AGES and I couldn't find one that I liked enough (clothes are getting really dear aren't they? Even in like, ASDA and Tesco and that) and then I 'stumbled' (ebay) upon this magnificent pattern:

*Butterick 40s Style Dress Pattern, which I'm going to make in a Royal Blue colour and maybe white piping, if I can work out how to do that*

Isn't it lovely?

Also, at work I built a giant, open Vampire's mouth for a Halloween Display, try to be brave here:

*picture of scary, open jaws of a Vampire, eeeeeeeeekk!*

How's your week been?

The One Where I Learn About Myself

Further to my 'Turning Twenty-Seven and Hating It' list of resolutions here, I thought I'd add a wee bit on 'What I've Learned About Myself Recently'. Sorry for being so self-absorbed. Maybe soon I'll do a post on a worthy cause and you'll all be like 'oh, what a caring person she is! She's taken time away from fretting about her frankly APPALLING eyebrows to care about this caring cause that needs caring about. She is so caring. Caring is the word I would use to describe her.' and I'll be all humble and all 'Thanks lads, but really, we should all care more about (enter cause here)' and we'll all agree and shake on it.

But until then, here's my new list:

1. MY HAIR - I honestly think that people with curly hair should get some kind of government-sponsored help. Curly hair costs an absolute fortune to keep in reasonable condition, and I'm not even talking about the obscene cost of getting a decent hairdresser to cut it. No, I'm talking about the general, day-to-day stylin' costs. A few years ago, Sunsilk did this serum-y time styling gel that cost about a Scottish Buck and lasted for a million years and then they stopped making it. But I was young and naive, and I thought 'Oh, I'll try some other junk'. That was about five years ago and I still haven't got over it. Nothing is as good, NOTHING. But I was just about keeping it in check with Pantene's Perfect Curl shampoop (tee hee) and conditioner. And guess what fellas? They've stopped making that too. I've been resorted to buying it on ebay for a hugely inflated sum. Anyway, here's what I've learned about my hair this week: ANYTHING OTHER THAN PERFECT CURL MAKES MY HAIR GO RUBBISH. I've tried eighty-two different shampeeps and conditioniis (which I THINK is the plural for both of those words) and nothing is as good.

2. PATIENCE - Lads, I've always thought of myself as a really impatient person and this week I have realised that I am not just really impatient, I am VERY REALLY IMPATIENT.  Especially with computers. I feel like I spend my whole life waiting for pages to load, and I'm aging horribly because of it.

3. TIDYING - I hate tidying because I like stuff, as I've admitted before. But today I realised I not only hate tidying, I am also rubbish at it. Here's a BEFORE picture of the bookcase in the kitchen:

and here's a picture of it after I spent AN HOUR AND A HALF tidying it:

I know you're thinking 'it does look a bit tidier though' and to that I reply: this took me AN HOUR AND A HALF. How? Dunno.

4. SONGS - So, I was driving along it my automobile (Blue Polo, don't have a name for it because I hate nothing more than people saying 'yous' and also people who name their cars), happy as Larry G. Laughtinton, singing along to the radio - Dirrty by Christina Aguilera - and I realised I knew all the words to it, which made me happy. Then it finished, and Yesterday by the Beatles kicked in and I was all 'Yey, I know this one too!' singing away, then IT finished and Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep rocked out. And I was singing along to that, when I suddenly became aware of a creeping sense of dread. I knew all the words to that too. And I thought, I know all the words to A LOT of songs, even fast ones like La Bamba and rubbish ones like Mr. Boombastic and surely that's not normal. And then I tried to remember my home telephone number, and I COULDN'T! And then I thought, what if I get kidnapped?! How will I contact Husband?! I don't even know my own phone number! But then I realised, if I do get kidnapped, I'll just bellow Mr. Boombastic to them and they'll release me pretty sharpish. But still, what else has been pushed out of my brain to make way for the lyrical stylin' of Ricky Martin et al?!

These are not favourable qualities old beans, not favourable at all. Is it too late to change my entire self?

Saturday

Evening, fellas!

I have commented before on the work we're doing in Bumbaleerie Mansions - mainly painting SLASH decorating and it is the opposite of fun. Anyway, we're needing a kitchen floor. Bumbaleerie Kitchens is quite big so we're needing quite a bit of floor. And we've been putting it off for ages, because Husband hates nothing more, NOTHING, you understand, MORE than salesmen. He hates that no matter how many times you say 'we're just looking, fanks' they still insist on telling you all this junk - like, how many colours the tiles come in, how they can be fitted, how they'll look upside down, but NEVER THE PRICE.

So, we need carpet for two rooms, walnut floor for the hall (YAAAASS!) and slate tiles for the kitchen. Easy.

First shop: Salesman sidles over, catches us unawares. Husband was looking at prices and sizes, I was seeing how far my fingers sunk into the fibers. 'HOW CAN I HELP YOUS?!' bellowed the saleschap. (DIVERSION: I hate nothing more, NOTHING MORE, than people saying 'yous' (as in the plural of 'you', I'm assuming). It's NOT A REAL WORD)) So Husband was already twitching, and even though my nerves were jangling, I managed to say 'WE'RE JUST LOOKING FANKS' (WJLF). And Husband and I looked back at the carpet.
'Righto!' said the cheery one. 'Well, just so you know, we've got a special offer on blah blah words words selling carpet blah blah more talking...' and so on for FOUR MILLION YEARS. Eventually, we muttered something about maybe wanting laminate or learning to fly so it wouldn't matter what we were standing on, and glumly walked hand-in-hand to the door (me and Husband, not me and Husband and Salesfella)

'I don't even want to do this any more' whined Husband once we were back in the safety of the car. I rubbed his hand soothingly.

Second shop: Started well! We found loads of offcuts that were big enough for our rooms, nice nice. And we were congratulating each other on not having to speak to anyone when we came across a salesboy hiding between the rolls of carpet. Hiding. Between the rolls. Of carpet. Husband said later, it was like a praying mantis waits for prey.

'Hellooooooo! Can I help yous?'
'WJLF'
'OK-doke, what is it yous are looking for today?'
Small silence. 'Carpets. That's why we're in a carpet shop'
'And do yous know what colour it is yous are looking for?'
...it was at this point that I held my hands over my ears and started shrieking. My nerves cannot cope with repeated uses of 'yous'. I'm like Mrs Bennett with my nerves (wee Pride and Prej ref there).

EXIT STAGE LEFT.

Third shop: A saleslady! I was so pleased to see her, I started to weep over her polyester skirt. But! My relief was short lived. She was one of THEM. But, a bit more mental and scary. She curled her lip at me, did a quick up-and-down of my outfit, grimaced at Husband and barked 'How may I help yous today?' Husband looked at me mournfully. So, I took the bull by the horns and said 'Do you have a toilet I can use?' The salescow recoiled (I don't know why,  I wasn't going to pee on her. Maybe I looked like I was though), and said 'Our toilets are for customers ONLY. Are yous interested in flooring?' 'NOPE!' I bellowed joyfully, 'WE'LL JUST BE OFF THEN!' And we were off.

But that means that we've still no carpets/wood/tiles.

So, to make today not a total wash out, I made some foccacia or maybe focaccia or even foccaccia. Here's some pics:

Me kneading.

Me sick of kneading, the dough's WELL sticky

Me developing the 'Bumbaleerie Method' of kneading. Much more nice.

In the oven. Exciting, isn't it?

And the finished product, complete with garlic oil, chili oil and the ol' balsamic:

Go and buy Paul Hollywood's book, it's so easy and delicious and the money will help him continue to be a Silver PHOX!

And TIME..goes by... so SLOWELEEY...and TIME...can do SO-O-O MUCH

Lads! It's been ages! How have you been?

I've been well.com and that is the truth. Lots of changes going on in Bumbaleerie Mansions, too many to list old chums. But, I love a good ol' list so let's just do it anyhoo:

1. The STAMP CANVAS is DONE! Yes, the great stamp artwork of 2014 is finished two whole years early. How'z THAT for organisation? Here's a picture of same:

 Close up:

 And the grand unveiling (complete with Honoured Guest)

It is currently leaning against the wall that it will eventually be hung upon, as soon as Husband's drill is 'fixed' (it was fixed ages ago, he thinks I don't know. Nag nag nag).

Anyhoo, that's the canvas finito. It took a billion years to do, I had to neatly trim all the stamps before gluing them really carefully in position. It took a lot of patience (wine) and calm meditation (more wine) and actually, it became quite therapeutic (false, it was a pain in the bumbaleerie, but once I'd started I felt I had to see it to the end)

2. I made a lot of quilts, one to sell and one as a present. The selling one:

                                                   (Notice the sinister presence of the iron)

and the present, for my cousin's daughter:

I love Michael Miller fabric, it is the BAWZ.

3. My sister got me the Paul Hollywood baking book for my birthday and I made the basic bread recipe and it was amazingly easy and deli-licious. So I can add 'bread making' to my list of ...em...listing. I did have a picture but I have accidentally deleted it, so just use your imagination to think of 'a loaf of bread'. Tasty lookin' isn't it?

Ok, that's only three things that've been happening so didn't really warrant a list. Oct well.