The one in which I hate the post office.

Over the last few days I have been waiting on some very exciting packages to be delivered. One, ordered on Monday, arrived at work on Thursday. One, ordered on Tuesday, was delivered on Friday. One, ordered on Tuesday, came this morning. Two, ordered on Tuesday, have not arrived. One, also ordered on Tuesday, was not delivered by our postman this morning, because 'it is too big to fit through the letter box.'

Now.

I have a few issues with this. The package is relatively large because it contains enough fabric and wadding to make my friendsnephewsquilt. But it is only fabric and wadding, which, as I'm sure you're aware, is bendy and not heavy. Part of me finds it really hard to believe that the postman carried it ALL THE WAY to Bumbaleerie Mansions, tried to no avail to squeeze it through the letter box, and then valiantly carried it ALL THE WAY BACK to 'My Local Sorting Office'. Also, Husband and I were in the crib when the post came - would the Brave Knight Sir Postman not have just left it in the garden for us? Ah-ha, I thought to myself, he hasn't even bothered lifting it! So, I phoned MLSO and here's how I got on:

MLSO: Hello, ________ Post Office
Me: Hello, could you tell me if there's a package waiting for me?
MLSO: *suddenly inexplicably angry* NAME?!!.
Me: Em... Baroness Pilkington-Smythe the first
MLSO: WHEN was it DROPPED OFF?!!?
Me: Probably this morning, I got a red slip through the...
MLSO: Well, if it was THIS MORNING that you got THE SLIP then it WON'T BE HERE YET, WILL IT?
Me: I dunno, I thought I would check. I'll phone before you close to check again. Thanks for your....
MLSO: *sound of the dial tone as they have already hung up*

Me, to Husband: The post office have STOLEN from me! I am the victim of a CRIME! Phone someone!
Husband: I'll collect it on Monday.
Me: That's NOT THE POINT! They are the ROYAL MAIL! Do you think the QUEEN KNOWS ABOUT THIS?!
Husband: Em, well, she knows about the post office probably.....
Me: Someone should TELL HER! I bet SHE wouldn't stand for this!
Husband: Well, they close at 12.30 so phone again at 12 and maybe it'll've been dropped off.

At 12.05:

MLSO: Thank you for phoning _________ Robber Mail Post Office. Our opening hours are, Monday: 3.01 - 3.06, Tuesday : Closed,  Wednesday: 4.18.00-4.18.31, Thursday -
Me: They've gone home EARLY! My package is sitting abandoned and they won't give it to me! They have left it alone! I need it! They've stolen it!
Husband: *has given up trying to rationalise with me and is outside painting the shed*
Me: ...and they PROBABLY take the stamps home too, and they PROBABLY are having a good laugh at the people they have ROBBED, AND they'll have a lovely weekend doing things THEY like and I've got to WORK with NO SEWING to do! One day I will OWN My Local Sorting Office and THEN THEY'LL BE SORRY! They'll be SORRY when I'm in charge of the Post Office and I CLOSE IT DOWN!

I am still furious. I hate the post office.